1 step back

Have you ever been going through a process, and you are making progress, and then you do something that you know isn't good for you, but you just HAVE to do it? AND then you end up at least 1 step back from the progress you have been making?

I am not sure why I do that. Am I a glutton for punishment? Am I testing myself to see how much progress I really have made? Do I enjoy the pain? Or is that I hope the person somehow, in an odd way sees my pain and realizes how much hurt I am still experiencing?

I know I am doing well most of the time, but then there are moments where I know it will hurt, and yet I give myself that pain. (I am not physically hurting myself, just so you don't worry) Does it help me feel alive in an odd way??

2...already!

My niece, Charlotte turned 2 today! She is one of my best friends. I love that she calls me "lala" which is relatively close to aunt in Bulgarian. I just love this girl and how she hugs and the kisses she gives, the light she brings to my life. I love how she dances, and that her body automatically responds to music. I love how she breathes life into everything around her, even at the age of 2. I have been blessed by having this amazing girl in my life, and am fortunate to be her aunt.

Music

It is so interesting to me that songs about VERY different things have touched me so much recently.

Songs that have touched me as of late:

Adele: Rolling in the Deep
Adele: Someone like You
Adele: Make you Feel My Love
Adele: Don't You Remember
(Really ANYTHING by Adele because she basically rocks at life and her music speaks to my soul)
Kelly Clarkson: Behind These Hazel Eyes
Kelly Clarkson: My Life Would Suck Without You
Sara Bareilles: Uncharted
Sara Bareilles: Gravity
Coldplay: Viva la Vida (this one ALWAYS feeds my soul)

I may add more as I find them.

Feelings

I have realized that the question, "How are you?" can be a very tricky one, especially when you don't really know how you are. How do I feel? There is a tumult of emotion and feelings in my life right now, and I am not happy not really knowing how I am feeling. It is frustrating to not know how I am feeling, to try to know, to try to feel, to allow myself the full spectrum of emotions.

I apologize if I am answering that simple question in an odd way if you ask me for the next little while.

Lost

What do you do when you don't know what to do? Where do you go? How do you feel? How do you find the direction?

I think there is a bit of time of self-exploration and going through processes that help you to be ready to make whatever that next step may be. It is hard, especially when you REALLY don't know the direction you are supposed to be going.

What do you do in that time before you move? How do you have that peace while you are preparing yourself?

What do you do if you feel like you have lost a part of yourself in the process? How do you get that back?

How do you become unlost?